I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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