All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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