I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
