i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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