oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
3pm strippers are depressing
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
