i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
