I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
