I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
