he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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