Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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