dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
