woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
