you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
