His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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