Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
