i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
