You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
