i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
