Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
