i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
