I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
