you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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