i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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