I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
