Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
