eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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