Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
