i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
