No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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