i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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