Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
