he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
