quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
