I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
