3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Randomize
