So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
