Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
