How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
