White coat. Heels.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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