When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
