Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
