The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
