elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
