while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
