I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
