You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
