ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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