walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
