Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
