well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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